I finally saw the infamous ultra “pain cave” that everyone talks about looming in front of me. I took a few steps inside, looked around but I refused to stay knowing that if I went in, I might not get back out.
Like a lot of runners who toed the line at the 2022 Quicksilver 100k this past weekend, this was supposed to be our 2020 race. Some chose to run the bonus race in September of 2021 (hindsight – it is way cooler in September than in May), but others, like myself, bumped it to May of 2022. A new course or really, just a new finish was the biggest change. For me, it was the farthest I have run since my 100 miler at Pine to Palm in September of 2019. There were many mental and physical hurdles between then and now which made my stomach a ball of nerves when race week arrived.
All throughout the week I would organize my race gear on my dining room table. Another big change between previous Quicksilver 100k races and the new course is the number of drop bags allowed. When I ran it in 2016 and 2018, there were 5 different spots you could potentially leave a drop bag. Now, there are two with the last one being at mile 44.1 of the race. Mentally, that threw me for a loop since I knew that in prior years, some of the aid-stations later in the race (namely the second to last) are so remote, they run out of ice and other items.
I worked a half day on Friday and took the afternoon off to drive to San Jose. I actually made great time and was there well before packet pick up was open. I swung by Whole Foods and got what I needed for my post-race meal and then drove over to Sports Basement (this place is incredible – I just love it) and wandered around the store until I could grab my race bib.
As I was leaving with my race schwag and bib, I ran into S who was also running. He’d run the bonus race in September of 2021 as well so he knew the new course. Seeing him always makes me smile and got me more excited for race day.
This race is a tough one because it starts at 4:30 am. Yes, 4:30 … check-in is at 3:30 am. So that means waking around 2:00 am to start getting packed, fed and ready. Sleep did not come super easy. I went to bed as early as I could, I ate as early as I could but I still tossed and turned quite a bit with my brain overthinking everything.
I got to the starting area just fine. S and C arrived two seconds behind me. I checked in, then had to move my car and then used the porta potties about three or four times before it was time to line up. A headlamp is required to start this race and one of my goals was to NOT need the headlamp again for the finish.
Miss P my dear friend who I met when I first started doing ultras in 2010 was running as well. I helped pace her at her first 100 quite a few years ago, and I know, she is a super strong runner. She makes it look so easy. She is fierce and fast.
When the “gun” went off, the crowd started the run/march uphill. S took off, wanting to get ahead of the big crowd. After a while, I could not get footing myself, so I started to run uphill bobbing and weaving around a lot of people until I could get a nice spot. It is not super steep, and I felt it was runnable but I also wanted to make sure I did not trip as it was also quite rocky.
The temperatures were predicted to be somewhere between 85 and 90 degrees. That’s not really abnormal for a May Quicksilver BUT the week leading up to the race was downright chilly and rainy making the transition from cool temps one day to squelching hot unbearable temps another, a tough one. It was hot at 4:30 am! I just told myself to keep running as much as I could, comfortably so that I could get a lot of miles out of the way while it was dark and cool(er).
That was the last photo I took for a while because I decided I needed to focus on running.
Hicks #1 Mile 6.1 (6.4 to the next AS)
I ran through the first aid-station, not really needing anything here. I carry a lot in my pack because I try and rely on mostly what I carry with me until I no longer can.
When I started the race my stomach did not feel “awesome” … it wasn’t bad, more like a nervous pit kind of feeling so that is what I chalked it up to be. By mile 7 or so, it was making itself known that it wasn’t disappearing. It wasn’t getting worse, but it was making running uncomfortable at times.
Woods Road #1 Mile 12.5 (5.4 to the next AS)
Refilled my water bottle here. In and out.
Lexington Mile 17.9 (7.9 to the next AS)
Lexington is just off a paved road. I knew that the next aid station was quite a ways out and that we had some killer hills coming up. I just made sure I had water in my bottles and I started soaking my bandana to keep my neck and face cool.
It was around mile 20 that things started to change. I looked down at my hands and noticed that my fingers looked huge. I could barely bend them they were so swollen. I also had “tried” to go to the bathroom a few times along the course with no luck. Something wasn’t right.
This section of the course is pretty gnarly. You have the Kennedy Rollers (photo above) followed directly into Dog Meat (photo below).
I was lucky enough to be with Miss P during quite a bit of this section or rather behind her watching her just cruise and crush every runner hiking up these hills. She just has the most steady, consistent and powerful uphill hike. She was blowing by runners with poles even.
All I could do was hike. It was hot. It was sunny. I was swelling a ton in my hands. Every step I took up, I felt like I slid back a few inches the gravel was so dry. I focused on my form and what I tell the kids I coach “hands follow feet – move your hands and your feet will follow.” So that is what I did until we got to the top and had to turn and go way way way way down.
On this crazy 3 mile-ish downhill stretch you pass runners hiking back up so you know, once you hit the bottom, you have to turn and hike back up. I was using gravity to just pull me knowing that perhaps this may come back to bite me later if I blow out my quads but my power hike I felt ate up so much time.
I passed S hiking his way up. He looked hot but smiley and it was nice to see his face.
Kennedy Road Mile 25.8 (5.5 to the next aid-station)
When I got here I had to make a decision. I tried (again) to use the restroom (no luck) so I switched from what I had been consuming to just plain water. I was hopeful that maybe I could flush out the sodium I was clearly retaining in my hands. I also grabbed a Coke which is rare for me this early in a race (if at all) but I was hoping it would act as a diuretic.
Luckily, I was still able to consume the Spring Energy gels I had on me, even if they were warm.
The climb back up is long, hot, brutal and when you get to the top, you still have to go even farther before you get to the aid-station.
Woods Road #2 Mile 31.3 (6.5 to the next aid-station)
This aid-station is always a site for sore eyes because by now you’re dying for an ice cold refuel, shade and the awareness that you are half way done with the race! The volunteers (at all the aid-stations) are awesome but these guys are great because you are SO happy to see them.
Hicks Road #2 Mile 37.8 (3.6 miles to the next aid-station)
I am not entirely sure, but I think it was in this stretch that I accidentally kicked a rock with my LEFT foot. I immediately felt my toenail sort of dislodge a bit. I have been blessed in my ultra career to not have any foot issues. That was all about to change in this race.
The stretch here was uplifting for me because we were heading back to the start (and finish) area. This is where I had my only drop bag and I was ready to dump what I had been carrying, that wasn’t working and pick up some new gels and items to see if I could continue to make progress in my hand swelling and stomach discomfort.
Hacienda Mile 41.4 (3.1 miles to the next aid-station)
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The rough part here is that you have to walk/run past the finish line and head back out for another 20 something miles while watching 50k finishers run into the finish, see the food trucks and everyone chilling in the shade. Mind battles!
The stretch to the next aid-station is only 3.1 miles but for me, it has always been a struggle. It is up hill. Paula was with me for a bit and then in Paula fashion, she blazed ahead uphill like a machine. I struggled to just keep hiking, focusing on my form, fueling and ignoring the weird feeling in my stomach and in my left foot (didn’t hurt but I could feel the toe nail).
Mockingbird Mile 44.5 (3.9 to the next aid-station)
Another aid-station – same ritual. Ice down the sports bra, water in one bottle at all times.
From here, you climb some shaded (finally) single track but it’s rocky and uphill. Paula and I were once again together. We caught up a lot here. She said she was struggling a bit but she looked amazing. Most of the runners around us had pacers with them so it was nice to have someone to chat with and pass some miles with here. I was feeling pretty low, like I wasn’t going to qualify for Western States. I knew I could finish this race, but would I qualify? I realized I didn’t care whether I did or didn’t (that’s what I was telling myself). I even texted C to tell her that I didn’t think I would qualify but that I would finish. I told her about my sodium issues and my struggle with my stomach.
On the way to the next aid-station, there was some downhill and I separated from Paula because I started to feel really good. Maybe it was the Scratch kicking in (yay electrolytes) but I got a second wind. I also decided that it was ok not to qualify for WS but I’ll be damned if I miss it by just few minutes.
I ran into a runner and her pacer here as well. I learned that it was her first 100k and she was struggling a bit. I told her to put ice in her sports bra when we go to the aid-station and to start counting down the miles. My jedi mind trick. Helping her, in turn helped give me a boost.
Bull Run #1 Mile 48.4 (5.7 to the next aid-station)
I love this aid-station because they are usually so fun and loud and energetic and best of all, fully stocked. I arrived, grabbed ice for my sports bra, some fuel and headed out.
To add some mileage, you have to veer right onto what I’ve always called the Lollipop loop. You run out around a tree and then back and someone is at the entrance marking when you entered and when you come back to ensure all runners honestly do this loop and do not bypass it.
It was on this loop that kicked (hard) a rock with my RIGHT foot. Earlier it was with my left. This one was SO hard that expletives came flying out and I hopped a little bit. Like my right, I felt the toe nail dislodge. What in the world was happening with my feet today???!!!!
I made the right turn out of the lollipop trail and knew instantly what was coming … my favorite section of the course, Tina’s Den (no longer called that I don’t think). This is a single track shaded downhill section that in 2016 and 2018 I just FLEW down. I have always had the energy and the power here … except this year.
I’d let gravity pull me and then have to hike some, let it pull, then hike again. My toes were killing me, my quads were finally starting to protest all of those earlier hills I bombed. My second wind, my second life, was slowly deflating.
This used to be the “fastest” section in my head but this year, it went on forever and ever and ever. I was mostly alone. A few runners passed me, I passed one or two who were struggling.
Finally we are dumped off the single track and onto the fire road, I knew that the second to last aid-station was coming. I knew when I got to that aid-station, I had to look at my watch to see what my time was to see if I was still within range to qualify for Western States.
McAbee Mile 54.1 (4.9 miles to the next aid-station)
I arrived at McAbee and there was some carnage like there is every year. There was no ice so I refilled with warm water. I looked at my watch and saw that I had 45 minutes before the cutoff for a Western States qualifying time. Dang it, that’s too close in my math challenged head. Realistically, I probably had TONS of time but I am bad at math and luckily in the right direction so it pushed me forward.
Lots of uphill here again. At mile 55 I suddenly had to pee! Oh my gosh! I had to pee, FINALLY! There is pretty much no where to pee on a lot of these trails so I scrambled up a side hill and ducked behind some trees. Finally! My flush with water plan was working. My fingers were slowly reducing in size too.
Hiking toward what would be the last and final aid-station of the day (and again, my favorite) I ran into a guy who reminded me that this aid-station had otter pops! I had completely missed it on my first stop but I was hoping they had some left because that sounded amazing.
Bull Run #2 Mile 59 (3 miles to the FINISH)
When I arrived at the aid-station it was mellow, not too many runners at one time. I had one volunteer take one bottle and fill with water and ice (just in case), another pulled the trash out of my pocket and another got me an Otter Pop. Seriously could not love these volunteers more!
They told me it was 3 miles down hill to the finish. I asked if it was REALLY downhill … because on the previous course, it was touted as downhill but there were a few sneaky rollers in there.
Once I got my legs under me, I took off. Sure enough it was down freaking hill! I inhaled the otter pop and just flew. You know when you feel like you’re just sprinting and flying and then you look at your splits and you so are not? 🙂 That is what this felt like. Mile 60 was 13:41 and mile 61 was 10:05 … but I felt like I was doing 7 minute miles. 🙂
I heard the finish and tried to run even harder. I crossed the finish line and the crowd went crazy. I guess I ran in faster than anyone had in a while. I just want to be done!
When I finished, a nice volunteer handed me my finishers medal and a second one handed that above medal, “Nice job Pamela! That was some finish!” he said. I looked at the medal and replied, “You must be mistaken. This can’t be right.” He said, “Nope, you got third in your age group! Congratulations!”
My finish time was 14:46. I qualified for Western States and while technically, this is a new course (the finish was the only difference), I ran faster than I had in 2018. However, I was toast.
I still couldn’t believe I had gotten 3rd AG. Not going to lie, it gave me that feel good boost to get my body in the car and drive all the way back to my hotel. It was a nice thing to text the family too who had been cheering for me.
Later when I checked the results, I saw I was actually 5th. I felt horrible. I emailed the race directors and told them I’d be happy to mail the medal to the appropriate owner. They said that I DID earn it. The two ladies who placed first and second, placed first and second OVERALL (my age bracket is a tough one) and since they don’t provide second sets of medals, I got 3rd via 5th. 🙂 I did get 12th female overall. None of that actually matters to me though, it’s all bonus and glory and great for a blog story (and to impress the kiddos). 🙂
What matters most is that I finished. I overcame some serious pain in my feet (which by the way look horrendous and are super painful). I also discovered the largest (and only) blister I have ever had on my big toe when I got back to my hotel (seriously, this is all new to me!). I had problem solved whatever was going on with my sodium intake and stomach. I stepped inside the pain cave, but I did not let myself stay there. I refused to let myself stay there.
My A-race for the year is over. Mentally, I have jumped that distance hurdle. The one that was nagging at me for the last two years. I felt so behind, so out of the ultra running loop. Now it is time to recover and heal and figure out what I need to tweak.
If you’re still reading (which I think no one does – but these are great for me to look back on), thank you. Thank you to S and C for being out there even if I never saw you. Thank you to Miss P for those miles and inspiring me to up my power hiking game. Thank you to Sandi and Higher Runner for your continued support, guidance and for always being a proponent of mind over matter and positive talk.
I fully believe: If the mind breaks, the body will follow.
Happy Trails!
~Trailmoma
EDITED TO ADD:
I do not think, that I really had a (dangerous) sodium issue during this race. What I DO think happened here for this race is that it was my first 100k back since 2019 and a really hot and difficult race with over 13,000 ft of climbing, 90 degree temps after a week of 50 degrees and rain and a course with very little shade. That’s my explanation for the finger swelling, it was hot and truly the first hot run of the year. Mentally, I had forgotten how difficult running 62 miles really is perhaps as well (I know I did).
As for my feet, that is me being super clumsy I guess and fatigued hitting those rocks. The blister can again be explained by perhaps my toes were swelling due to the heat. The lucky part about that, is that I never felt the blister. I did not know I even had one until after the race.
I am not done with racing or doing difficult races. I just now know taking a year or or even two year long breaks makes coming back a lot harder. 🙂
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